Dark Days of November

It's dark, and getting darker, here in Bavaria. I'm used to cold winters, and dark winters, but here in Starnberg the darkness sets in even earlier than I'm used to. Today as I write this, November 27, daylight is beginning to disappear around 4:30 with complete darkness settling in by 5:00. And we're still almost a month from the winter solstice, so there is plenty of time for things to get worse before they get better.

The darkness of the days has matched my mood of late. Especially last week, which was probably the most difficult week since I've been here. Some of you know - many of you don't - that I've dealt with depression and anxiety since my early 20s. It's been something that's been with me in my life, something that ebbs and flows, something I've managed with therapy and medication for a very long time. Most of the time I cope just fine, work, live, laugh, enjoy life. But at times it can become fairly debilitating. Prior to coming to Germany, I spent several months worried about whether the experience would be a successful, happy one or whether I'd become super anxious, suffer panic attacks and/or fall into a "culture-shock" induced depression. I sought therapy prior to coming here to hopefully "bank" some good coping strategies and to pre-deal with things before they became a problem.

I knew, coming here, that I'd experience ups and downs. I also knew there was a pretty good chance I'd deal with some anxiety issues and perhaps even a few depressive spells. So it hasn't been a complete shock lately that my mood has dipped and that I've felt pretty down. I suspected that would happen somewhere along the way. It could be the weather, the burdens of my job, the stress of meeting an endless parade of new people, homesickness, or any combination of all of those. One of the ways I've found to cope with these periods of depression is to remind myself that I will, again, be happy. I've not experienced a prolonged depression for a very long time - rather shorter bursts that last a few days or a couple of weeks. I then come out of it, and feel better. These experiences help when I do feel depressed because I am able to tell myself, "Don't get bogged down in your negative feelings. Weather the storm and you'll be fine soon." That's what I told myself a few days ago, and as usual, it was true. I've been feeling a lot better these past few days. Will the depressed feelings return? Almost definitely. But, hopefully, with positive thoughts, exercise, a sauna or two, and the company of good friends, I'll be able to deal with whatever sad moods come along.

So, all that being said... I have managed to continue to enjoy myself in Bavaria. On Friday the principal at our school (a Canadian) organized a Thanksgiving meal for all the Americans on her staff. It was fantastic. We each provided a side dish and the school came through with turkey, gravy and a couple other main dishes. My new friends and I toasted with wine and beer and settled in for a typical Thanksgiving meal in the basement kitchen room normally used for home-ec classes. I continue to be so impressed with the efforts MIS goes through to build community among its staff. We've had so many social gatherings like this one, so many opportunities to spend time with colleagues outside the normal school hours. It's really assisted with my transition here and has helped me build strong friendships with my fellow teachers.

On Saturday I took advantage of the good weather and went out for a long bicycle ride. My bike and I boarded the train out of Starnberg in the morning and headed south for Tutzing. From there I biked southwest, not really sure exactly where I was going but just letting the trails guide me. I got lost a couple of times, but managed to have a great time, seeing the usual sites around here including beautiful farmland, cute villages, lakes and snow-capped mountains. As I've said before, the bicycling in Bavaria is just stellar. There are small roads and bike trails everywhere. Sometimes I compete with car traffic, but most of the time it's just me and the road. I've grown to love my German Cube trekking bike. Not sure whether I'll take it with me when I'm done here, but if not, I'll really miss it!

Saturday night a few of us met at the Nymphenburg Palace in Munich for a night of chamber music. The small orchestra played Vivaldi's Four Seasons along with a few other pieces. It was a calm, relaxing, enjoyable night. We drank a little wine, listened to some beautiful music and just thoroughly enjoyed the night. The five of us who went are planning more nights like this in the future.

Finally, on Sunday, I went with a friend of mine to Chiemsee in southeastern Germany. Frances, the middle school and senior school librarian, had recently bought a car and was anxious to hit the open road. We made a whole day of it. In the middle of Chiemsee are two islands, one of which contains Herrenchiemsee, a palace built by King Ludwig in the late 1800s. The palace was never completely finished, but it still presents a striking image standing tall and imposing in the middle of a beautiful island, surrounded by gardens, fountains, and forests. We also took a boat to another island, this one more of a village feel with a church and convent at its center dating back to the 700s.

Chiemsee holds a special place in my heart because back in 1993 my dad and I visited here, along with a former Princeton exchange student and his mother, whom we were staying with on our long European adventure from Vienna to Madrid. The day back then was a rainy, summer one - different from the brisk, autumn one for Frances and me. But, I could still remember certain aspects of that first visit, and it gave me fond memories of that time in '93 with my dad when I visited Europe for the first time.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and graciously our tech integrationist has invited a bunch of us to her house for another Thanksgiving meal. I feel truly blessed to have found so many kind, fun people here in Germany. I'm looking forward to celebrating with my new "adopted" family. This weekend I plan to do a bunch of school work to get caught up with things, but many of us are also heading into Munich on Saturday to enjoy the Tollwood Winter Festival and to celebrate the birthday of Kristi, one of my fellow EAL teachers. The weekends around here never seem to disappoint, so I'm looking forward to another fun one.

Auf wiedersehen for now!